This is a 4 part series dealing dispelling myths and understanding facts about life from a Christian perspective. Part 1 deals with the whole point of dating and understanding it from a Christian perspective.
Part 1: Christians and Dating.
As a 25 year old I know my knowledge is not vast on this subject of Christians and dating, but my pastor, and my brother (both two preachers I see as being increasingly wise) and the bible itself have given me so much insight. I will say that I am not the bearer of knowledge on this subject I am merely trying to provide a different viewpoint. This is not to be controversial or offensive its merely meant to provide a different look at the subject. If you see something that I have written as being wrong or you want to question it please feel free to leave a comment but remember this is not a war or a fight so if thats your motive its best you keep it to yourself because there is no need for that. I understand that everyone does not agree on the same thing but agreeing to disagree is equally as acceptable. Thanks.
Jesse Flowers wrote in an article entitled "whom should we date?" this quote " Dating is what leads a young person to the divine institution of marriage. This quote for me is the focus of this whole blog. I know this is a tough thing to wrap our heads around but honestly the point of dating (crazy as it may seem) is to end up finding a spouse. Now, in 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 Paul writes " 1Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is (A)good for a man not to touch a woman.
2But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband." The idea is if you know want to be with someone the idea is to get married in order for you not to fall into immortality, it is better to be married than to live in sin. What Ive noticed in alot of Christian peers is that some of them just don't date like that because they want to avoid the trouble and the potential slips. I had a friend during my freshman year of college who didn't date a single girl until our senior year and the one he dated is now his wife. He was poked fun of for it, but his faith in Christ led him to her, he was with her barely a year before proposing and married about 6 months later. When your motive in dating is right you generally flock towards the right people and don't have to deal with the unnecessary drama. How do you mean? Well lets talk about motives? David said it like this "create in me a clean heart, and renew within me a right spirit." (Psalms 51:10). If inside your heart you have bad intentions then your motive is already not right...Jesus made that clear in Matthew 15:19 where he said "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies". So if in your heart deep down you know your dating just to have "fun" the question is what kind of fun? Speaking from a young persons perspective, in the present day, dating is a tool that can be used negatively or positively. In a negative way, its most common that the majority(but not all) have stories about someone they dated that was everything that they knew even then that they did not need or probrably even want but they did for what reason? To see what it was like and more importantly to REBEL. Sometimes we just want a story to tell, and to look like we got some life experience. The sad part is usually your the one who gets hurt or left behind because you've allowed yourself to go deeper and deeper in with this person that you don't even know who you are anymore. That can be eliminated easily, by learning to just as my mom would say "get somewhere and sit down". Being young doesent mean I get to ruin my life, I promise when you do that, and you meet the one you do love and cherish you will wish you saved all that time and for them. Its so dangerous spiritually and physically. Now on a lighter note, it can be used positively to navigate (with Christ) to a good candidate for marriage. If your not planning on getting married then what is the point in dating? (know that there is a difference between making friends and dating.) The reality is that dating is not a bad thing, if I follow God's plan and I know this person is lining up with Godly characteristics and loves Jesus I'm safe. The idea is that when I used dating the right way I am eliminating month's maybe even years of strife in my life. IF you know the person is not a candidate than don't even waist your time trying to make it happen. My pastor told me once "it is somethings I can put up with, and something I cant". The idea is saved or unsaved if there is no desire to compromise on both sides for the better than this is not a candidate.
Dating is not a settling tool. Do not settle on someone simply for convenience. From personal experience I have learned that just because a person is there does not mean they will work. Remember we said dating is to marry. So if you choose to marry this person than it is forever, never settle for something your ashamed to take home to mom and dad. If your hiding this person or simply ashamed of this person why are you with them? Sometimes it can be nervewrecking and fearful because you want good impressions and that scenario is different, but when your doing this because your ashamed or you know your parents would not approve than its time to be honest with self. The real question is Does God approve? Is this person going to help you get closer to Christ? Is this person willing to pursue Godly wisdom with you? Proverbs 4:7 " The beginning of wisdom is: (B)Acquire wisdom;
And with all your acquiring, get understanding." I mean this a checklist for Christian dating.
Your not with this person to pass time, your with this person because you believe this person is someone who is a candidate for marriage. It does not guarantee that, but that is the right motive to have. My brother being a minister occasionally does marriage counseling, in doing that I often pick his mind about it, one of the things he tells me all the time is " you hope that you marry her, but you don't know. All you can do is walk it out, if she hangs in there, than there you go". Understand this beloved, your not dating a person simply on looks, economical status, height, weight, those are matters that if you focus on too much will lead you on a downward spiral. Those things matter, but what matters more in spirtual saftey. A husband must be in line with God, so women if you marry a man that is dead set on not being in line with God remember that. Men if she don't love Jesus, dont read her bible, dont want to go to church and you sit there and make yourself ok with that, remember that. This is not to say that the marriage won't work but it will be tougher than a marriage already is. What we need to look for is someone who is going to Love God, so that they can learn from Him how to love.
Now sometimes in dating you may have couples that start out going away from God, and then decide to walk together with him and turn away from those old ways and the relationship turns out great. I believe God can do all of those things, if your in a relationship with someone and yall know its some things happening that are not too Godly, then make that change. If its mutal between yall, turn your hearts (individually) back to God. My brother told me once "when you both are walking individually closer to God, it brings you both collectively closer together" The key is God wants glory in everything we do, YES that means dating!!! To qualify that Proverbs 3:5-7 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not to thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge him and he will direct thy path." Key part " IN ALL THY WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM". If your single, acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. In all cases make God your first priority and just live you life and you will find that the significant other will just come along, you wont have to work to hard to find it. The key part of this blog is eliminating those lies told through TV and media. Dating is not 1-2-3 and its done. For the believer it takes work, time, and more importantly God. Understanding that fact helps you know the difference between the two. Know that God is on our side, he wants the best in us, and for us. Time maybe moving fast, but we don't have to rush. John Legend said it best "Take it slow..."
....Stay tuned for Part 2.
Love it Terence!!! Words to live by for real.
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