What is inside of me?

Isn't easy sometimes to say its everyone else that is causing all of the problems for me? Or that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing but dang I just got bad luck? Man as a young college student I remember my pledging days....we used to recite a poem or a creed that simply said "Excuses are tools of the weak and incompetent, used to build monuments of nothing. People who specialize in them are seldom capable of achieving anything". When you don't want to be honest with yourself beloved you wont. You become the product of these issues you talked into existence. (that's right I said talked into existence.) No one else is causing you to be unhappy you are just deep down unhappy, which makes it harder for you to want to be happy for others. My pastor has started a series in James 4 that deals with the real root of the problem and it is you. James 4:1 simply says " What is the source of quarrels and ^(A)conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage ^(B)war in your members?" Insecurity surely is the leading cause of frustration, unhappiness, doubt, fear, anger, wrath, malice, lust, fornication and so many others. Because I am so unhappy with myself and who I am I become(as my brother would say) "an angry person who is happy sometimes, as opposed to a happy person who is angry sometimes". When I don't like who I am I project all my frustration onto the world, I look for approval, or I often feel a need to be wanted and when I am not than I am mad and no one can calm me down. Others tell me of their good news but I am so self-indulgent I cannot be happy for them (by choice).  The world is forever in your debt for you hard work, and no one ever pays enough attention to you. Love can conquer you because you fight it with hate, but you swear you are so loving and kind because you understand the concepts but not the action. Who are you fighting against my friend? No one but yourself? That's why your sleep is messed up, that's why you think how you think, that's why you behave like you behave. You haven't figured yet, that there is nothing wrong with you, as a matter of fact your great the way you are. What happened was that one time in your life someone told you or showed you that you would be nothing and you believed them. It stuck with you all through out your life and is the reason why are the way you are now. The plot is bigger than right here and now, rather if that ol' enemy of ours can keep you in that mindset you will never be loosed and will stay the same. You will run off you family, your friends, your spouse/significant other, and be alone by yourself throwing that pity party for yourself. But being a believer means we have one thing the world does not have...HOPE. Change the way you think: Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, ^(A)whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Being from the south and from Houston you know the ghetto boys wrote that famous hit " My Minds Playing Tricks on Me". When you force that mind of yours to focus on good the body follows suit. Keep on praying: James 5:16 "The effectual fervent prayers of a righteous man availeth much" As long as you keep turning your heart over to God in prayer with much expectancy he will do it. Its a shame to live on earth in misery when you have a God of joy and peace. Those who really love you just want you to be happy and smile and enjoy your life. To be unhappy, and full of anger is torture daily because your constantly hurting others and yourself. You have to make the choice to want to stop, to rid yourself of the envy, the jealousy, the anger, and replace with God's love. It will not happen over night but it will happen. The believer's main job is to lead others to Christ, the effectiveness of your witness can be tainted if your heart is tainted. God wants you to be full of joy, but seeing as though he is not a rapist(in that he will not force himself upon you)  he leaves the choice up to you. Whatever you hiding behind the remedy is in 2 Corinthians 6:17 "Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you."  You know your tired of it yourself, you just want to be free, the road to freedom from this bondage is simply saying yes to Christ and no to flesh. When  you truly give that heart to God, his love becomes your love, and that bitterness and anger becomes love and good will for others. Then you will be able to laugh and kid around without carrying that chip on your soldier. Living is great but living for Christ is better. It behooves me to tell you to be aware of whats inside of you.