Part 3 of Christians and dating. deals with understanding the man's side of the story within a relationship. I am no expert and I do not speak for all men but again I've heard some incredible things in these past few months and again I am compelled to share them with you all.
I remember my freshman year of college and my percussion professor was teaching us how to tune tympani. I was so fasicinated with the process you had to go through just to tune one drum, because here you have these big drums that look sooo heavy duty but yet you had to be so gentle with them in order not to damage the head on the drum, and the drum itself. They were big and heavy but yet you had to be gentle with it all the more just to take care of it.
Men...we are designed to be tough, rough, hard, strong I mean that is our design by creation but what God did with us is he made us gentle giants. I dont care how strong you are a man turns into a different person when he is with his lady, she makes him become more gentle. That person we are with them, is who we really are, we just want to be LOVED and appreciated. We dont say it but we dont push it away when its given to us. However, as men in Christ our focus has to be on God. Christ himself was a man who possesed power in his voice but was as gentle and loving with all creation. He came not to condemn the sick but to find the cure, not to bash but to build up. His character was never compromised, what he did as a man was allowed himself (in total confidence in his Lord) to be who he was and that became such a desireable trait that people flocked to him. As men we must know that our Character must be sharpened in Christ first. We must be defined by his standards and cling to his way of life not our own.
In our desire to be loved and appreciated we get lost in who the problem is, nine times out of 10 we are dealing with our own insecurities but the first person (sometimes) we choose to take that on is our women. Believe it or not promiscuity is the same for men and as it is for women. The more girls you get means nothing to you as a man, you are just sharing more of you with more of them. But what happens that day when you meet the girl of your dreams, and you have to explain to her all the things you used to do, its the worst feeling in the world to wish you had stopped then so you could save it for the one you actually Love and care for. 1 Peter 3:7 "You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with (J)someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered". I cannot be a husband to a wife, much less the head of the house if I am not confident enough with myself as a man. The woman is not the problem, it is us. We use the bedroom as a way out, to not half to deal with fears, worries, or better yet LIFE. Strength is not defined merely by how much I can pick up, but how strong I am when there is force working against me. A good friend of mine P.T. Ngwolo said it best "women trade sex for love, and men trade love for sex." I'll say I love you if it means I get some. We have to learn LOVE for what it truly is from God. God is love and when we learn that we can learn what it means to LOVE a woman. But women, its important to know a man's heart as well. A man's biggest goal is to take care of his woman, provide, nurture and when that is in deficit his pride is hurt. It does not mean women that you should yield all of your needs to him (especially if y'all are just dating) IT means understanding that and allowing him to be that man. At the same time we must know that being "the man" is not that crucial remember "pride comes before the fall". As men we are trying to understand you, and as women you are trying to understand us. Somewhere in there is common ground and agreement that calls for peace. Men, if she doesn't value you then you gotta move on. If she just tolerates you and that's it than that means she only puts up with you and that's it. (she wouldn't want you to do that to her) LOVE says this...as P.T. so eloquently put it "Love is trading the best in you for the worst in them"the goal my sisters is to not obey these books i.e. "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" or ideas that paint men as being sooo off from women. Like I said to the women yesterday we are helpers to one another. God never intended for us to be at odds with each other like we are today...we will have our differences but we are still supposed to be able to reach common ground and conquer each other with LOVE. Understand women he may be a talker, or stubborn, or unwilling to change but if you be honest so are you. We play this game like we are so vastly different when in reality we are alike in so many ways..its taking the time to understand. God gave us a major responsibility to be the head, and as men we must take that seriously. I don't care how good she look my friend, and how great the opportunity as a man it will not benefit you at all to lay with her IF SHE AINT YOUR WIFE!!!. If you LOVE him my dear, don't tempt him(plain and simple). If he as a man does not have have sense enough to act as a man of God you being the woman of God encourage him to do so. If you know he is going to give in than don't set the trap...if he tells you he wants to turn back to Christ respect that and if you want turn with him. He is not going to admit that it is his weakness but if you pay close enough attention to realize that it is. As a man be honest enough with yourself to admit it , bold enough to speak about it, and wise enough to act on it. At the core ladies, us men have a desire to be understood. Understanding is more than half the battle because now you can see where it all comes from when we get irater or start acting funny(does not make it an excuse, but you have gained understanding as to why). Now your not JUST tolerating him your accepting him for who he is. My brothers, in our quest to be understood we have to communicate that. Because Adam failed to speak up he died to sin and was seperated form God until Christ came back made it right. Sometimes as men speaking up will save a soul, it will SAVE OUR OWN SOULS. Don't wait on her to make the change, when you know you need to do better. IF you want her to trust you enough to follow your lead in marriage, than be that man when she is your girlfriend and your fiance. Be level minded, un-doubtful, and standing by your choices. James 1:7-8 says this:
"For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord,
8being a (S)double-minded man, (T)unstable in all his ways."
That strong woman is looking for a strong-minded man who stood on his own before her. He leans on God first, and is bold enough to even tell her no when she is wrong. I know you don't want to lose her my friend but as she has to be willing to lose you if it be for Christ so should you. Anything that will cause you to stray from God is no good to you or for you. Being a man means being patient 1 Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient..." Remember the gentle giant concept...As rough as you are God still gave you a gentle heart because day by day God is still gentle with us. Every man on earth who desires to LOVE a woman must LOVE God with all his heart, and must love himself. A woman can fix neither of those things no matter how hard she may try...her job is to be your helpmate. God does the rest...we must look at women differently and stop projecting how we look at ourselves onto them. This seems too much, but honesty can get that way sometimes but it is neccessary. You are a man of God first and foremost. Your definition is in Christ, your way of life is adapted to his way of life. We as men are forever seeking his way, the bible says in Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a (A)wife finds a good thing
And (B)obtains favor from the LORD." When you find Christ, he leads you to the wife, and the favor comes from the Lord. I admonish myself and all of you men if you are dating someone, to change your view of her if it is not good, to learn (if you choose to) from the biblical standpoint how to LOVE her. If you are convinced(through prayer and obedience to God) that this is the one that God has given as a candidate for a wife, than you need to understand what it means to be a man of God first. It is important to know that if she has found a husband in you, that its important even more now to look to God for all things (if you haven't been already). You must know that with or without her God completes you and never put her or anything in front of him. Tomorrow is too late to begin, but right now is just as good as any other. God Bless you my brothers..and remember God didn't forget about you either...Thanks for reading and stay tuned for part 4...
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